The Higher Power Struggle Bus

If you’ve ever attended an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and listened to us read “How it Works” then you’re aware that the big book mentions the agnostic. It’s actually an entire chapter about those who lack, or question, a higher power: The Chapter to the Agnostic (Chapter 4).

If you haven’t read this chapter, you’re in luck! This blog post is a deep dive into the chapter, what it means to be an agnostic (or atheist) and how AA can still work for you.

First, what is an agnostic or atheist? Simply put, when asked if one believes in a higher power, the atheists say “no, absolutely not” and the agnostic is more inclined to say “I don’t know” and often added with the well meaning thought of “I don’t care to know.”

Second, how prevalent is this thought? The big book mentions that half the original AA members and founders were agnostic citing science of thought over faith. A recent 2024 study finds that 11-15% of the world and 28% of Americans are agnostic. If the North Oak Hall was founded for smaller, more personal, one hour meetings and tries to limit their meetings to 10-15 members then likely there are two agnostics in the room in every meeting. What’s fascinating is that this number increases when looking at those aged 18-29 years old to 39%. And if we separate the stats further by sex, almost half (43%) of women in this age group are agnostic and about 35% of men. So if you identify as agnostic or adjacent to such thought, you truly are not alone.

So how does this play out in the AA literature? I’m so glad you asked! In the big book, the conclusion that you are an alcoholic is followed by the opinion by Bill et. al. that the only path to recovering from this illness is a spiritual experience. That’s one hard pill to swallow if you’ve been agnostic or atheist for any length of time. Even seemingly impossible. However the authors double down on their beliefs here about healing from alcoholism with grace: ‘to be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live in a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.* (Page 44).

Here’s the kicker, if what you’ve been doing isn’t working for you, why are you still trying to tackle alcoholism with the same tools you came into the disease with? “If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago… lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.” (pg 44-45).

The book encourages you to find a Power that makes sense to you that is outside of YOU. It doesn’t have to be the Christian God, or Buddha or any religiously affiliated deity. It can even be the “GOD” in the room – faith in the “Group Of Drunks”. If a hall and their fellows are following the big book, they should be encouraging you to do what works for you, today, when it comes to the “God” question. Not preaching at you to join a Bible study! So take a deep breath! No one should be trying to convert you. “The main object is to find a Power greater than yourself that will solve your problem.* (Pg 45).

It’s important to note that the founders, authors of the big book, understand that “some of us have been violently anti-religious” due to “honest doubt and prejudice,” or in the modern age we may include the word ‘trauma.’ (pg. 45). Or we thought it was the easy way out. But step two doesn’t ask you to believe in a power greater than yourself. It asks you to be WILLING to believe in a power greater than yourself. The authors found that as soon as they were able to tackle what holds them back from believing, or being willing to believe, in a power greater than themselves, they got results – “…even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power…” (page 46).

“Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with [the Power greater than ourselves].” (Page 46).

The most thought provoking (and probably controversial point for the agnostic/atheist) is that it takes faith to both believe in a higher power and to believe there is no higher power. Ahhhh!! I imagine your knee jerk reaction is that it’s science over faith! That’s ok. Chapter four describes this thought well.

Chapter 4, We Agnostics, discusses the concept of faith well. If we’re atheist and so certain there is no power greater than ourselves, we ultimately have to choose to believe this because there is no proof one way or another, right? Faith is ultimately the ability to believe in an idea, concept or person with complete trust. “Everybody nowadays, believes in scores of assumptions for which there is good evidence, but no visual proof. And does not science demonstrate that visual proof is the weakest proof?” (Page 48). They give an example of flight (remember this book was originally published in 1939). The earth was believed to be flat at one point. Man had proven that we could not fly yet the Wright brothers did it! Or later, there was the belief that we couldn’t land a man on the moon but we did it. Things change. New facts are presented. Did the agnostic or atheist give faith a fighting chance? “…A fair hearing?” (Page 50). “Are not some of us just as biased and unreasonable about the realm of the spirit as were the ancients about the realm of the material?” (Pg 51).

Ultimately, when it comes to being willing to open yourself up to a higher power, we have to be fearless (page 55). And being fearless is hard and sometimes triggering. This program demands rigorous honesty (page 58). So if we’re being honest with ourselves it might be time to ask ourselves a few questions about our identity and beliefs;

What is my fear when it comes to faith or belief in a higher power?
Where does this fear stem from?
What is blocking me from moving forward with being willing to believe in a higher power?
What is faith to me?
Where do I place my faith currently?
Am I certain of my current agnostic or atheist beliefs? And if so, is this not also faith?

The higher power struggle bus is real and not talked about nearly enough. Just remember, you are not alone! There is likely someone else in your meeting also struggling. Join us and let’s discuss it at your next meeting! There is no shame in admitting this is your current struggle.

The rooms of AA are built to meet you where you’re at. It is a space where people of all different beliefs—and no belief at all—sit side-by-side, united by the single shared purpose of staying sober. Remember, the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. You don’t have to change your worldview to sit in these rooms; you just have to bring an open mind.