What To Expect For Your First Time at the Hall

I must admit that doing anything for the first time can be very scary. However, when I admitted to myself I not only should go to an AA meeting but then to actually show up…it was terrifying. What would it be like? What if they judged me? What if someone said I didn’t deserve to be here? What if they realized I wasn’t spiritual and kicked me out? What if alcohol isn’t my only issue: am I still welcome? What does it mean that I’m here? What if this doesn’t work? What if it does work? Can I really never have alcohol again? Is it really *that big* of a problem?

Honestly, it’s a lot. And it could even stop many from actually attending their first meeting. The unknown is indeed scary.

So let’s talk about it! What’s it like to go to your first meeting?

The first thing we really want you to understand is that you are not alone anymore. Together, we’re a herd and we have your back. We’ve all been where you’re at right now. And we’re still coming back!

SELECTING A MEETING TIME
First things first, where are the meetings and what times are the meetings? Our location page provides a Google map of where we are and our Meeting Times page provides a schedule here. Pick one and come check us out!! (If you require an immediate Zoom meeting, please check the OIAA Directory. It features over 1,000 online AA meetings worldwide. Alternatively, you can visit www.kc-aa.org to search for Zoom meetings.

You may also call the Kansas City Central Office @ 816-471-7229 (24/7/365)).

OK BUT PARKING??
For me, the first time I go anywhere I’m always concerned about the parking situation. What if I have to park up the block or can’t find a spot? No worries, we’ve got that covered. Check out our page HERE about parking at the hall.

GOING THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
Ok, so you’ve driven all the way here and are about to get out of the car and walk through those front doors. Whew. Take a deep breath. We’re all really proud of you for the courage it takes to change what you can control. Which for this instance, is changing your schedule and showing up for yourself and your loved ones to a meeting.

If you get there before a meeting starts, you’ll see people chatting and getting coffee and just kinda hanging out. Hopefully, someone smiles at you and welcomes you to the hall! However, if that doesn’t happen, it’s ok to find an empty chair and pop a squat. Bonus points if you introduce yourself to a stranger and ask if this is the right place for AA meetings! You could even tell them it’s your first time and you’re uncertain what to do/where to go etc. They will walk you through it for sure!

FINDING THE ACTUAL MEETING AT THE HALL
We will usually split up into a few of the rooms and start a meeting behind closed doors. Just follow someone into a room and voila! You’ve done it. You’ve gotten through the hardest part. Alternatively, the noon and 8 pm meetings are often found in the main open room (not behind closed doors) so keep that in mind.

If you show up later than the start of a meeting that’s totally ok!! We’d rather have you here than turn around and go home because you’re late. Go ahead and put on your brave face, walk through those front doors and find a closed door and open it! If people are sitting around a table, then you have found yourself at a meeting! Find a chair (or boldly grab one and bring it with you if there are no chairs). Your only job right now is to listen to the meeting and the shares. And of course share if you’d like to. No obligations.

If you see a big circle in the open space conducting a meeting then you don’t even have to open a closed door! You’ve found one of our open meetings and can just join in the circle!! Again, your only job once you sit down is to listen. And share if you’d like to share. No obligations.

THE STRUCTURE OF THE MEETING
The meeting leader will begin with a moment of silence for the alcoholic who still suffers followed by the Serenity Prayer. And everyone will say that prayer together and you might wonder what cult you walked into?! Don’t worry, it’s not a cult. (And I’ve been a part of a cult before to know the difference.) Also, you do not have to join in on that prayer if you don’t know it or feel uncomfortable saying it for any reason whatsoever. It’s there as a reminder to us that we do in fact rely on a Higher Power (don’t worry you don’t have to have that figured out either – see THIS article if you’re struggling with that concept) and a reminder that there are things we can and cannot control. And we hope we focus on what we can control, not on what we cannot control. It helps to keep me sober and I believe it helps others similarly.

The meeting leader will continue after the Serenity Prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”

They will announce any news of the day related to the hall or upcoming events.

They will describe a few expectations of how the meeting will be conducted and let you know if it’s an open or closed meeting, etc. They will also mention Tradition 7 about putting money in the basket which goes towards keeping the lights on or money in the Folgers coffee bin for coffee donations if you’re drinking coffee. Fyi you are not expected or required to add any money to the basket if you cannot do so. We want you to stay. And the couple bucks we recommend as a suggested donation for each meeting attended is inconsequential to you staying right now at your first meeting. Don’t leave if you cannot contribute. Please stay and hear us out.

Ok. So. Here’s the important and probably second scariest part: the meeting leader will ask if it’s anyone’s first meeting since their last drink (or drug). If you’re uncomfortable raising your hand or saying ‘me’ that’s totally ok. I promise. However, the benefit of drawing attention to yourself is that the meeting is most likely now a first step meeting instead of whatever was previously scheduled OR a few people will split off with you in two separate rooms and conduct a first step meeting (it mostly depends on the number of people in the meeting).

WHATS A FIRST STEP MEETING?
In a first step meeting, you get to hear everyone’s story about how alcohol (and maybe even drugs) had a hold on each person and what they did to overcome it (spoiler alert: AA and the program is what helped them recover). They will share their experience, strength and hope with you. And at the end, you have a turn to share your story if you so choose. You’ll also notice an envelope going around with people writing their names and numbers on it. This is yours. It holds some information about the hall/AA but the important aspect is the phone numbers. Any one of these people will 100% be there for you when you decide to reach out. You are NOT bothering them. You’re helping them fulfill the 12th step – helping others/service work. So you’re actually doing them a favor!! So please, reach out!!

By this point, we hope you walk away with a little bit of hope in your heart. Like, if they could do this so can I!? Or maybe you’re wondering what “kool aide” we’re all drinking? Regardless, you have contacts of people to reach out to and all you need to do is reach out when you feel like drinking. OR come back to another meeting. Or both.

Note: We have AA Big Books for sale at the hall, at cost. You can pick one up while you’re there. It’s a very interesting read. Especially when you’re first exploring sobriety and you find The Doctor’s Opinion or Bill’s Story at the beginning of the book (which are summarized in Parts One and Two of “But like, am I really an alcoholic and if so what’s the solution” in this blog).

A NON FIRST STEP MEETING
Whether or not you call attention to yourself, we do read How It Works and the 12 Traditions of AA before we truly begin each meeting. We also read the Daily Reflection at every meeting. We oscillate between the Grapevine, the Big Book or How Bill Sees It – this is all AA literature that we hope you become familiar with soon!! That’s not important though. What’s important is listening.

After the readings, someone will begin sharing. The opportunity to share, or not, will be given to each person. Listen to the shares. There’s wisdom from everyone regardless of how many consecutive days sober they hold at the moment. Shares typically relate to the reading or something that is holding them back in their program/sobriety journey. There is no “cross talk” or commentary during the share. It’s just the open floor for the individual to share for a few minutes what’s on their mind. Then they pass to the next person. Rinse and repeat.

Once everyone has shared within the one hour time limit of the meeting, we close with two things. And this might be where you really question the whole ‘kool aide’ thing again. We get in a circle (this reminds us that we have each other’s back and are a community), hold hands and recite the Lord’s Prayer:

“Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. They kingdom come, they will be done. On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen.”

And finally, the group declares together,  “Keep coming back – it works if you work it.”. These group declarations can seem strange at first. But it becomes oh so very endearing with time.

IF you are uncomfortable with any of the above closing traditions, you can sit it out (you don’t have to be part of the circle). Or you can stand in the circle, holding hands but not recite the Lord’s Prayer (that’s what a few folks do).

Basically, we will meet you at your comfort level. The only true requirement for joining AA is not that you pay dues or chant the prayers or share. The one and only requirement is that you don’t have a desire to drink today. You don’t even have to quit drinking to come to AA. You just have to have a desire to quit.

Willingness. That’s all we ask. Which leads to the first step nicely which we’ll discuss in another article soon.

And that’s it. That’s your first meeting. You did it! And we’re so happy to have you. Come back and keep coming back.

And if you didn’t vibe with the people in that particular meeting you showed up to, try one of our many meetings listed here. Or try one of the other halls in the Kansas City area if you didn’t like the North Oak Group in Gladstone, Mo (listed at the bottom of the page, here).

We want you to find where you do not feel alone anymore. And we hope that’s here, at the North Oak Group AA hall.

A side note for the first timer: I know my next question after a meeting was about how sponsorship worked and did I need a sponsor and what did that look like? You can ask someone you trust at the hall when you go or wait and see what is stated here on the blog as we will get into that in another article. All you need to focus on is not drinking and to keep coming back to meetings in the meantime.

And remember: you are not alone anymore.